The Life of Our Dog, Chai - A Love Story.
In August 2008, I married the love of my life, Luke. We often talked about getting a dog, as I did not have one growing up and always yearned for one (just ask my parents). By the end of 2008, we started looking for dogs to adopt more seriously. We frequented a few local adoption days around Dallas early in 2009 without a match.
To give further context about this season of life, the recession of 2008 was in full force. I was employed full time at an educational architecture/interior design firm that wasn’t feeling the brunt of it as quickly as other sectors were. Luke, who was employed at a small, boutique hospitality architecture firm at the time, lost his job in early 2009, when the firm essentially dissolved. At this time, my company had its first round of many layoffs. I somehow kept making in through each layoff, watching so many incredibly talented humans (that I still keep in touch with) walk away from the company, simply because of a ‘dollar amount’ they needed to hit with financial cuts on a spreadsheet.
So here we were, newlyweds, one income, my student loans to pay off, car payments, rent, etc. Sounds so dreamy, doesn’t it? Everyone everywhere was fearful of losing their job. Life was incredibly stressful at this time. And to be clear, there were NO jobs to find if you lost yours. As we looked to cut expenses, we started looking at other rental options in the Dallas area where we lived. We were in a condo that had the WORST natural light, and frankly, it was depressing to be in. While Luke looked for any nibble of a job, he also looked for new rental options for us. Side note: there were no jobs, but by the grace of God, Luke landed architecture contract work with an architect he met through his old boss, after several months of nothing.
Luke continued to scour the area for properties we could rent and reduce our monthly payments to keep the ship afloat. Soon enough, he managed to track down a house we could rent, just a few blocks down from where we were. We weren’t ready to leave Dallas, so we kept our search quite narrow. A 1940s cottage, with a yard no less, and several hundred dollars less a month for rent! Jackpot! It was also a great option if we did find a pup, so we continued to lay the ground work for what might happen in the future. And worth noting, Margo and Norm were the kindest and most wonderful landlords we’ve ever had. To no surprise, they also loved Chai dearly. They’d bring her treats/refill her water and give her lots of ear scrubs anytime they had to stop by to check on the property if we were at work.
Above: Jenner, California. Newlyweds. August 2008. Fast forward a bit, it was about a month-ish before we were about to have to renew our lease or move out in the spring of 2009, and things started to get interesting. We secured the lease for the house rental and told our condo landlord we were ending our lease. Check and check.
We also went to another pet adoption day at a local Petsmart to check out the pups, where we met a dog named Nora. We loved her temperament, that she was a mix breed and her beautiful, rusty colored fur. We spent some time with her but were still on the fence about it, so we decided to visit her another day at the shelter she was at. We were told she would be back at Dallas Animal Services if she didn’t get adopted that day. We trusted the process and went to look for her the next day to spend more time with her. We never found Nora again. Thankfully she had been adopted, which was no surprise to us. I will always credit Nora as being Chai’s guardian angel, because she’s what ultimately led us to finding her.
Above: Newly adopted Chai in our condo, spring 2009.FINDING + ADOPTING CHAI:
Over the next few visits to DAS, we met a German Sheppard mix and a German Shorthaired Pointer that caught our eye. They were wonderful dogs but the chemistry just wasn’t there. It just wasn’t the right fit. On one of the visits to see one of them, it just so happened to be one of their deep cleaning days. Dogs were moved all over the place while the cleaning took place, and it was on this day that we met Chai for the first time. They told us we could walk around but they couldn’t pull any dogs at this time. We walked around towards the back hall of the pup rooms (as I call them) and Luke all the sudden stops and says “that one”. I didn’t know what he was saying honestly. He spotted Chai instantly and just knew. Close by, there was a woman volunteering that walked by us, who I still refer to as the “animal whisperer”. She had dedicated her life to animals, knew so much about them and had many of her own. She was incredible to talk to. Luke asked her if we could see her just for moment (the dog he had spotted) and she got her out for just a quick minute to meet her right outside her room. The love connection between Luke and Chai was instant. It was undeniable. I was more cautious, as I had never had a dog and I didn’t want to get too attached too quickly. She was instantly in Luke’s arms, and little did I know, it was done.
We came back the next day to spend more time with her (praying she would be there when we got back). SHE WAS!! When we took her outside to one of the private play yards, she went right out, sniffed around, did her business (!!!), then immediately came running to us. Cue the confetti throwing and my heart bursting in a million happy pieces. We had just learned that her name was Chai (and for more context here, I deeply loved and still do love chai tea, so it was fitting). We learned that she came to the shelter at about 4 months old, with no name, so they name her there. We were told she had been surrendered by someone who had too many animals to care for. She was underweight and had patchy fur, likely from neglect. We saw through all of that. She was stunning to us.
Chai knew her name already and came when she was called. She had no ability to stop and would run back and forth to Luke and I, plowing into our legs to stop and get a snuggle and an ear scrub. We made our decision right there that Chai was going to come home with us. It was a very simple decision. Like marrying Luke, it was simple. A lot of life is complex and complicated, but not with those two.
Above: Chai at 5 months, the day we adopted her.On the day the adoption was official, Luke went to pick her up while I was at work. Our friends, Anne and Russ, quickly came to the rescue and let us borrow their kennel to help with our transition with a new puppy. Thank you, Anne + Russ! I couldn’t focus at work and I remember talking to one of my dearest friends, Jessica, about what was happening. She knew what a big moment this was, as one of the deepest dog lovers/advocates I’ll likely ever meet. For the first time in my life, I was getting to drive home to MY OWN DOG. I was a 25 year old bursting with so much joy! This was a dream come true for me!
We spent about a month longer in our condo with Chai before we moved, including a quick stay from our dear friend, Kelly. Kelly is a longtime, dear friend of mine, and is one of the few people who knew Chai in her earliest days with us. We loved having her with us. Chai would have peed many more times on the carpet if it wasn’t for her! Thank you, Kelly!
Above: Just starting to snow, 1940s rental house. Dallas, 2009.MOVING INTO THE DALLAS HOUSE WITH CHAI:
Alas, we packed up and moved into our 1940s house rental, equipped with the perfect yard for Chai to run and play in, right next to a hyperactive, squirrel hunting Westie. We loved the time in this older home with all the beautiful craftsmanship that came with it. I loved the sound of Chai’s paws click clacking on the hardwood floors. We learned a lot about being a family in this home and what we wanted in a home in the future for all of us to thrive. Notable moments in this home were lots of visits from our friends for dinners and slumber party’s with our dear friend, Sara, when we had to leave town without Chai. She’d swoop in and pup sit for the weekend. Chai loved her Sara time. Thank you, Sara!
BEACH TRIP WITH CHAI:
For Luke and I’s one year wedding anniversary, we drove down to Galveston in the intense August heat to get some beach time with our pup. We were thankful to find a house rental that welcomed dogs, yet didn’t smell like it! We spent good chunks of the days there walking along the beach with Chai, popping in and out of the water, and looking for treasures along the shore. Chai quickly observed that I kept stopping in the sand to dig up shells and stones, so she joined in. This made me smile so much, doing one of my favorite things with MY dog. I’d stop to look at what she’d found, then pick up the best stuff, being sure to give her lots of pets to tell her what great finds she’d found! The most notable memory we have of this trip is hearing her first deep barks when we’d go into the water. She would not follow us in but just ran up and down the shore barking, waiting intently for us to come back. She would not join us in the water, but stayed right along the shoreline. Ironically, Chai loved the water. If you looked close at her paws, they were webbed. She was a calm, efficient swimmer. We dubbed this role of hers as 'lifeguard Chai’, of which we’d see many more times around pools, as she watched out for her people to keep them safe. But mostly, this just made us laugh, because if you were someone who knew Chai well, you knew that she RARELY ever barked. She waited for moments where it was really worth it. This went on her whole life, only barking when it counted or she felt like her people needed to be alerted or protected.
Above: Chai at the beach, Galveston. August 2009.We’d end up spending less than a year in the Dallas house before relocating north to a 7 acre ranch house rental in Frisco, closer to where we both now worked up in Plano at the time. Our new neighbors were 3 miniature donkeys named Rollo, Rosie and Sweet Pea. Rollo had audible toots when he’d run, Rosie was the mama bear of group, and Sweet Pea was just an absolute sweetie! We loved all of them instantly, including Chai. They all enjoy ear scrubs (just like a dog) and they were fun to drive alongside the dirt road with at the end of the day.
LIVING IN FRISCO WITH CHAI:
During the first 2 weeks on property, while getting use to all the crazy coyote calls around dusk and into the night, we had a snow storm come through, turning everything into a wintery wonderland. This was the first time we got to see how much Chai loved snow. It was undeniable. Over the years we’d get to see her perk up in snow many more times, despite living in Texas. Her nose would plow through the white fluff until she found a special treasure, like a buried tennis ball or the perfect stick to run around with.
Below: Chai and the mini donkeys, Frisco. January 2010.
Above: Chai and I exploring in the snow, Frisco. January, 2010.We had many visitors out to the 7 acre Frisco property over the next 1.5 years. We had many friend gatherings, family visits and we loved romping around the property after work /weekends exploring with Chai. There was an infinite amount of things to power sniff out there, and Luke loved chipping golf balls in the pasture (also attempting to teach me some golf basics of which I’d quickly forget). Chai helped us gather up the golf balls in the field in a big metal bucket after each round. Life was good.
Before we new it, it was springtime in 2013, and we found ourselves in a more intense search for a home in the mid cities area. We’d been cutting our living expenses and saving money for years and were finally ready to take the home ownership plunge. While the Frisco property was a blast to live on, we did not love the area we were in. Fixer uppers in the area were hard to come by and we didn’t necessarily jive well enough with the area to want to put down permanent roots. We were more than ready to have a home of our own, that we could get our hands on, and put our architecture / design knowledge to good use (outside of our careers).
BUYING A HOUSE WITH CHAI:
After several back and forth negotiations, we signed our life over to a 1960s home in Hurst, Texas. My best friend from college, Anne, lived just a few streets over to sweeten the deal. She helped us feel more comfortable getting settled into the area. Thank you, Anne! At the time, the housing prices in mid-cities area were some of the best in the DFW area. Knowing that we hoped to have kids someday, we looked for quality schools and a big backyard for endless playing in for future children and Chai. We use to joke (and still joke) that all we really wanted was an older home with a window over the kitchen sink, a big backyard, and streets we feel safe walking on. This is still our primary checklist! We can figure out the rest after this!
Above: 1960s home purchase, in all her pink glory. She is no longer pink. Spring, 2013.Now I’m not going to sugarcoat it…this faded, coral pink house sat on the market for months for a reason. Let me paint a quick picture for you…dark wood paneling everywhere, lots of old carpet everywhere, wallpaper on more walls than I want to mentally revisit, and just SO dark…BUT it had a HUGE backyard for the area! We could work with this! Here’s what you need to understand…when it comes to older homes, there’s very little that scares Luke and I off. Very little.
Fast forward a bit, we had the keys at the end of April/early May, and spent weekends and many nights after a full workday driving into Hurst to work on the house. We’d come home from work, grab food to eat in the car and start driving over to Hurst from Frisco (after traffic had died down) to squeeze in about 2 hours of housework before coming home. Chai loved exploring her new backyard and keeping us company while doing essential, yet mundane tasks, like tearing down faux wood beams in an already low living room ceiling, removing stubborn wallpaper, taking down sets of ridiculous saloon looking shutters, and scraping several layers of linoleum flooring to prep for new floors. Our flooring installers said we could save $500 if we’d do most of the removal of the existing flooring. We needed to save every penny would could, so we did it, and hated every minute of it. And when I say we, Luke did the scraping, while I was working through (I mean battling) every wall surface throughout the home with wallpaper removal.
Before: Looking into kitchen.
After: The power of paint.
Before: Living room + hearth.
Before: Laundry niche in all it's glory. Not an orange gal.
After: Painted hearth + doggy.
After: Laundry niche, paint, removed cabinet doors, added hooks for days, etc.One evening we drove to work on the house with Chai, and as we were getting out of the truck in the driveway, our new neighbors, Brandi, Brian and Bailey greeted us with a big wave. We spent the better part of our 2 hours talking with them and learning more about them and the area. They were so welcoming (and still are!) and made us feel so good about our new landing spot. They loved on Chai and were happy we were all there. Thank you Brian, Brandi + Bailey!!
CHAI’S BEST FRIEND:
In future months, our new neighbors would adopt at reddish-furred Golden Retriever named Rosebud. Rosebud was so easy to love and instantly adored by our family. She came from a service dog in training program for dogs that had ‘changed careers'. Instead of going into a service position, she moved into an adoption group and thankfully our neighbors found her! It was no surprise that she had originally embarked on a service path; her sweetness, temperament and intelligence were immediately evident. Her claim to fame was that loved to have her paws rubbed. She’d sit on her hind end and sit back, with both her paws held up to you, until you gave them the pets that she felt they deserved. She would ultimately become Chai’s best friend and we loved her dearly.
In the spring of 2015, when I was extremely pregnant with my oldest daughter, just weeks before she was born, we had a very late snow in north Texas. It was SO strange. Luke was constantly worried about me slipping and falling in the ice and snow, as was I! The pictures below were from that snow. I would give birth to Josie about a week and a half after these photos…and as I write this, it is her 10th birthday today! What a full circle moment!
Chai's bestie, Rosebud. March 2015.
Rosebud + Chai. March 2015.Years down the road, Rosebud became ill suddenly and passed away. I remember hearing this news and crying so hard in our kitchen. I just couldn’t fathom at that time a loss like that, yet alone my own dog. I often wondered if Chai new she was gone…can they find out information like this with their routine walks and sniffs? What do dogs feel after a loss? Do they feel depression and go into mourning? I’ve always been curious…
CHAI WITH BABIES AROUND:
Well, no surprise here, Chai was amazing around young babies and kids. You have your concerns while you’re pregnant because it’s a new experience for all, but she was the absolute best. With my first born, she would get up with me during all the middle of the night feedings and lay by my feet until I got Josie back into her crib. With my youngest, who was more distracted when nursing, Chai would get up with me and lay in her bed outside the door, then walk me back to bed when I got Heidi back into her crib. My middle of the night guide dog helped me make it through these long nights…
Chai helped me survive in so many ways during my early years with babies. The lack of sleep. The complete confusion around my identity as a new mother, who had put her career on pause to focus on family (while still running a small business). I feel confident that there was undiagnosed postpartum depression in the mix with my youngest; fortunately for me, I would force myself to go outside and take Chai for a walk because I knew she needed it. I’m the one who needed the walk for my mental health. The baby needed fresh air. But my concern for Chai is truly what got me moving and got me outside. Her gentle nudge to keep going and keep doing normal-ish things is what kept me from going down a really dark, rough road that would have been so easy to go down.
In the fall of 2016 (the year Luke and I refer to as the year from hell), we had a miscarriage in between both of our girls. That season was one of the darkest I’ve ever experienced. I never want to go back. This might be why I don’t have more than 2 children. I was so relieved when the second one came that I said “I’m good, we did it. What a gift. Let’s savor this, what we have.” With Chai’s 6th sense, she didn’t leave my side during all the medical experiences I would be forced to deal with over the next 8 weeks, while I had constant reminders of loss that I couldn’t escape from, day or night. When I would sit down in our big brown chair in the living room, she would sit right next to me, with either her head or paw (or both) on my lap. Chai only did this when she knew I needed it. If she sensed a lot of stress, anxiety or concern from me, this is what she did (see below). Her head and often her paw was on my leg. How did I get so lucky with her, honestly? The calm she shared in my lowest moments I’ll never forget. How can I? What a gift she was.
Above: Chai resting her head on my leg, a message from her to me to take a breath, reset and not worry so much.Chai was the perfect friend on the ground with the girls during tummy time, and would frequently check in with them by way of a quick lick in the face to remind everyone these were HER babies. Chai loved the girls so much. She was so patient while we learned to be gentle petting her and learning how to take care of her…and ideally not play in her water / food or eat it…yuck!
NORMAL DAYS WITH CHAI: Walking in our neighborhood was her favorite. I will 100% credit Luke for how well she walked on a leash, as he spent the most time with her on this when he was working from home in our earlier days with her (while I was in the office during the week). She was never really big on toys, but she loved to hunt for a great stick or chew on deer sheds, which usually came by way of family in Nebraska. Occasionally she had a stuffed animal she would snuggle with. We still have one of the gray hippos…we washed it and I think it made it’s way into Heidi’s bed the last time I checked.
We have two large oak trees in our back yard, one that has a split trunk that holds a squirrel village. Chai would often lay at the base of this one, just a few feet away to keep the squirrels at bay. She’d only go after the one’s that were getting bossy back there. She picked her moments wisely and it was so fun to watch her from our kitchen bay window.
Above: Every spring since we moved in, there's a patch of primrose that pops up. Primrose was one of my grandmother's favorite flowers. It's always a yearly 'hello' from her.ADVENTURES WITH CHAI:
Early on we made a few treks up to Nebraska to see family. She always enjoyed time up there and the freedom of wide open spaces. She got along best with Rancher, my BIL’s past dog, who was such a good boy. He was in a dog league all his own.
Above: We had a trip a few years ago, in late October, to Beaver’s Bend with Luke's parents. We enjoyed lots of beautiful hikes in cooler weather with Chai and the girls.In the last few years, we’ve made a few trips to Colorado to escape the intense July heat of Texas. We’ve explored to different areas around the Spanish Peaks, and also got to visit with some friends last year that had recently moved to Pagosa Springs. Chai seemed to physically feel really good in Colorado, even in her age. Maybe it was cooler mountain air, fresh water, power sniffs for days…she really enjoyed herself and had good, steady energy there. Even last summer (in 2024) she made several hikes with us with ease. Deep in my gut though I knew these might be her last, so I marveled at her agility at age15 and enjoyed every moment with her hiking with us and the kids. I can still see her now, taking what seemed like the longest drink of her life at Treasure Falls, just outside of Pagosa Springs. As I watched her, I referred to that as the “drink of her life”. It felt like a milestone moment.
I’ve always been so impressed with the dogs we’ve encountered on trail hikes anywhere we’ve traveled. Chai often led the way and would stay ahead of the person leading the walk. I loved seeing her guide us through the trail with confidence. And yes, for the warmer hikes, you’d often find me putting a cold, wet bandana on her neck to stay cool. It was all so fun…except for our visit to the San Dunes National Park. Luke had to carry her out of the park over his shoulders because the heat and sun got so intense so quickly that it was burning up her paws and she could barely walk. I will openly admit that I was panicking. It was not good. It was a mess. But anyways, we made it out and I don’t wish to go back!!
Below: Chai enjoying the view of the Spanish Peaks. July, 2023.
Above: Chai living her best wolfy life in Colorado, July 2024.
QUIRKY THINGS ABOUT CHAI:
Chai has always had white fur on her muzzle, so she’s always look a lot older than she is, even as a puppy. She always looked and acted wise beyond her years. She was for sure an old soul.
She rarely barked, but if she did, it was a very low, deep bark that didn’t seem like it matched the dog. I loved this about her. She would ‘play bark’ with Rosebud to get her to chase her around and play.
She would growl at the front door if anyone knocked on the door if I was at home alone with the girls, especially when they were babies. She was a great protector, disguised in the kindest, sweetest dog body!
Chai loved to swim and actually had webbed paws! We credit her older dog cousin Maxine for teaching her how to swim in my in-laws backyard pool many years ago. She would also turn into ‘lifeguard dog’ when anyone went underwater in their pool and bark at them until they safely came up to the surface. Lifeguard Chai had your back.
Chai loved social gatherings. At any birthday gatherings at our home, she loved greeting all the guests and checking in on them. She was an amazing hostess! My favorite story to highlight this was when we went to my friend Jessica’s going away party (who was moving back to Florida from Texas) at our friends Jeff and Laura’s house. Jessica requested that Chai come and our friends were good with that too. There was A LOT of people at this party, and small groups of friends were sprinkled all throughout their house, laughing and enjoying themselves. We didn’t see Chai most of the night because she moved from one group to the next, checking in on them, getting some ear scrubs, then moving on to the next group. For a lot of these gatherings you could find Chai in a fun color/printed bandana for the occasion. Again, the best guest and furry hostess!
Below: The party hostess at Heidi's 6th birthday dinner, November 2023.
Below: Chai enjoying the cool kitchen floor in the summertime. Yes, her dog bowl was vintage Pyrex, because she's awesome. 2020.
Above: Chai, spring 2015.
Above: Belly scrubs, 2016.What I will miss most about Chai:
Her speckled salt and pepper fur, especially on her front legs.
How she’d patiently wait for bacon in the kitchen while it was cooking, and focus even more intently on it when it was out of the oven, nose in the air.
Her white markings on her head - she always had salt and pepper fur so she looked wise beyond her years, even early on.
The ‘woof woof’ sounds that she would make when she slept, that sometimes sounded like an underwater scuba dog, as we called it.
How she’d lay outside for hours in the best weather, shade jumping from the trees as the sun angle changed.
How she’d power sniff the air outside when a storm was coming in.
Her being my garden bouncer to keep the squirrels out.
How she’s disappear into the tall zinnias in the garden and reemerge on the path, never trampling anything and always being so respectful of what was growing.
Chai had an acute sense for understanding what the people around her needed. I would see her spend extra time checking in with someone in our family, or someone visiting to make them feel loved on extra that was going through a particularly challenging time.
I’ll miss her staring me down (watching my every move) and waiting for me to start getting ready for her morning weekday walks.
I’ll miss her going through all her tricks to get her cookies after a walk. Worth noting, I taught her new tricks when she was 14 years old —- this dog was SMART!
Every Easter Chai would go on her own Easter egg hunt. We did this before the girls were born, and when they could do an egg hunt, we did a separate one also for Chai. I’ll miss everything about this! It was so fun to watch! She had the perfect egg cracking technique to get her treats out!
I’ll miss gardening with my girl. She’d lay next to garden while I was pulling weeds or doing work in there, then she’d occasionally check in with me by walking carefully through the garden. What a joy it was to garden alongside her.
I’ll miss how much peace Chai brought me, just knowing she was around and helping me shift my perspective on life when it was getting too stressful or chaotic.
Below: Garden girl with our garden picks. Summer, 2023.
Above: Chai's Easter egg hunt. March, 2019/2024.
CHAI’S PASSING:
Chai’s age had been showing for some time, but her her legs and hips were struggling even more than usual. Winter was particularly hard on her this year in a way it had never been before. She did however have a great time out playing in the snow in early January of this year (2025). You could still see that it was much harder on her body.
Many don’t know that Chai had lost her hearing for a few years prior, but her eyes were still in great shape. Then one day during the winter (Dec/Jan 2024), I noticed her flinching and squinting a bit in the sun a few times during our walk. I didn’t think much of it because I thought she maybe just walked into something and was trying to blink it out of her eyes. Little did I know, she was developing a sunlight sensitivity that would make walks less enjoyable for her during the end, and make her want to be outside less (2 of her most favorite things, sad). As I noticed this recurring, I did my research to learn what it was, and tried to walk her early in the morning, before the sun was out much and stay in the shade of the trees along the street. We did what we could, even as we slowed down and shortened our distance. Chai taught me how to move slowly. I am constantly going, planning, moving on to the next things. But as I saw her age catching up with her, I decided to let her lead and it was one of the greatest lessons I will take from her. The ability to get slow, for no reason at all, simply to enjoy the moment.
Amazingly she was still up for going on walks 4-5 times a week with me, even at her age of 16. I was so proud of her (and me!) for staying committed to this. Even into her last week of life, she was still wanting to do a few walks each week. This time alone with her, walking in our neighborhood, became some of my favorite times of the week, after the hustle and bustle of the morning getting the girls to school. A lot of times she would lay in the living room, near the fireplace hearth and stare at me until I got changed to go for a walk with her. It was so funny to watch her do this most mornings. I loved her keeping tabs on me. Last fall, I started taking short videos of us walking together, seeing how our shadows were moving along the street together. I loved the shift of the sun angle in the fall during walks, not only because it was cooler, but because of the way her little ears bounced so happily when she walked. I must have known on some intuitive level that it was going to be my last fall with her.
Below: Morning walk with Chai in our neighborhood. Fall, 2024.Above: Chai exploring in the winter snow. January, 2025.At the beginning of February, (about a 1 week and a half before she passed) Luke took her to her 6 month wellness check up. In general she looked pretty good to our vet and said she was an old girl and doing great for her age (now over 16). He loved that she was still wanting to go on walks and told us to keep up the good work. She was gradually losing muscle mass in her legs and hips, which was normal for her age, but she was still eating and drinking well. All things looked good! She was being treated after this appointment for a minor gum/mouth infection that cleared up quickly with an antibiotic. We had also decided to start hip injections every few months to help her with her mobility with her hips. We scheduled that appointment for later the following week.
Several days into her antibiotic (almost at the end of the dosages) we noticed that her eating slowed down all of the sudden. We called to vet to inquire and we were told to go ahead and stop the antibiotic, as it might have been bothering her stomach. We followed their directive of stopping the medicine, but continued eating less and less. Of course we were all concerned, but at this point, we just thought maybe her stomach was off and needed some time to regroup. We kept moving forward. We were still doing our slow morning walks, and we thought we’d get through this rough patch soon enough.
Below: Chai getting cookies in the snow. January, 2025.
Above: Chai + I in the snow. January 2025.
Above: Treats in the snow for the best girl. January 2025.The day that Luke took her back to the vet for her hip injection (I think it was a Wednesday or Thursday afternoon), the visit did not go as planned. They discussed how she was not eating and our vet didn’t think that it was because of the antibiotics, and that her body was shutting down. The vet discussed putting her down right then and Luke said no. It was not the time.
Luke went ahead and had her get the shot, simply to help her be more comfortable moving forward, whatever that was going to look like. When Luke and Chai got back from the vet, he texted me to come out to meet him at the car. I was scared. I had a huge pit in my stomach. Luke does not text me to go sit in a car with him ever. I sat in the car with him and he told me what the doctor had said, that her body was shutting down. We held hands really tight in the car and cried for a few minutes together. We were not ready for this or expecting the day to go like this. At some point I gathered myself and carried Chai out of the back of the car to the backyard and sat in the grass with her out of the sun and just cried with her. I couldn’t believe I was going to have to say goodbye soon to my best friend of 16 years. It didn’t seem real, even though her body was telling us otherwise. We even went for our last walk that morning. How could it be time?
In the midst of a lot of uncertainty, Chai showed us it was time. We prayed that she would communicate clearly to us what we needed to do next. And she did. She topped eating completely and it was challenging to feed her sips of water, but she did a few times, probably just to do it for us because that’s just the type of dog she was. Friday morning somehow we got her outside to go to the bathroom and then she slowly came inside into the living room and laid between my two girls in a spot that she never lays. I believe this was her way of being close to them for the last time, with her last bits of energy. She would then go get in her bed and only move in the house one more time. One of my girls went off to school for a half day (the other stayed home with a stomach bug on Valentine’s Day), and Luke and I had to make the excruciating decision to schedule someone to come into our home on Saturday, the next day, to put her down. It was a living nightmare that we were forced to live through, as we knew this was what was best for her. Seeing her suffer more was not an option. She had been too good to us to allow that. It was worth every penny to see her pass in peace, rather than pain.
One of the worst parts of all of this was telling the girls what was going to happen, that Chai was going to pass away and not be here anymore. We’d had ongoing discussions about her age and that someday this was what would happen. But how do you share impossible news like that? You just do it and hate every moment of it. And you exist in the painful moment and cry together. That’s what you do. There’s nothing more you can do.
Above: Chai in a deep snooze with my scarf. January, 2025.On Friday, one of us sat in the chair next to her all day, at all times, to keep her company, even though she wasn’t moving much and just sleeping. I took a nap next to her and she gazed at her, thinking about what an incredible life she lived with us, but it still didn’t seem real what was happening. We did facetime with my parents that last night, so they could see her and say goodbye. I hated every moment of this.
In the blink of an eye, Saturday morning came, a day burned deeply into my memory. Luke and Heidi went early in the morning to get breakfast tacos. I didn’t want to eat, but forced myself to. I didn’t want to leave Chai’s side. The afternoon before, Josie and I went on a special trip to the grocery store to get bacon to cook up for Chai. A bite of bacon was as good as it could get for Chai. This dog could smell this through the house, even being outside, without the windows or doors open! So that morning, Josie and I fed Chai a full piece of bacon. She did not hesitate, even though she had not eaten or drank much in many days. The joy of bacon for her cut through all of this and it was so heartwarming to watch her enjoy for the last time with us (I feel confident there is bacon for her in heaven as well).
I laid with her for about 10 minutes on the floor, just me and her, and I told her everything I needed to say, the things she already knew. The gift she was to me, to us. That she restored my faith in so much. That she’d stretched my capacity for love in ways I didn’t know were possible. That I was always going to miss her and love her. She opened her eyes during this, until I stopped talking, then they closed them again. I know she heard me. The connection I had with her was so deep, so raw. I pray that I have something like this again, someday. And here’s the thing…we already knew what we had with Chai being part of our family for so long…we told her daily how much we loved her and what a good girl she was…and we told each other how lucky we were to have her. This is not a tale of realizing how good something was once it was lost. We always knew how good we had it with Chai.
An hour later, a wonderful doctor (I think her name was Dr. Deana) from Lap of Love came at 9am to help us with Chai. I laid on the floor with her, always keeping a hand on her and staying close. We let the girls come and go as they felt comfortable. It was a quick, yet slow process. How does time do that exactly? We got to tell the doctor about Chai and how wonderful she was, how much she brought to our lives for so many years. And what a gift it was to get to love her for so long and as deeply as we did.
Chai passed away peacefully on February 15, 2025. She was a few months over 16 years old. She had a wonderful, long life. Much longer than so many dogs and pets. But of course, not long enough for us. We hit the jackpot with Chai. We thank God for her every day.
Our family chose to bury her in our backyard, and I won’t go into too many details here, because it was a very personal, raw, intimate time with our family. Our girls were so brave and so involved. They loved Chai so much. They still do. We let them be as involved with every step, as much as they wanted to be. We let them talk, cry and ask any questions they had. We did our best to answer them and help them feel comfortable.
Above: My locket I wear everyday of my girl. February, 2025. I cannot lie, I miss her every hour of every day. It makes a jingle sound when I walk + it sounds like her collar when we'd do our morning walks together. I love the sound. It brings me a lot of comfort.
Above: Cardinal friends visiting at my in-laws house. May, 2025.The final story I want to leave with you about Chai has to do with cardinals.
A few hours later after Chai’s passing, Luke had left the house for a quick errand and the girls were inside the house. I went outside by myself to sit next to Chai’s new memorial spot and cried so hard I could barely breathe. It was gloomy and misty outside; it was an absolutely depressing day, no doubt. All of the sudden, I looked up and 2 cardinals landed right in front of me, about 5-6 feet away. I got really quiet as to not disturb them. I love watching cardinals. They stayed for a few minutes, eating little bits in the grass. It helped me get calm somehow. I hated my new reality. After they flew away, I decided to head back in to make lunch. When I stood up to walk to the back door, the sun popped out and a beam of light followed me all the way to do the door. I had an odd sensation in my chest and it gave me chills, that’s the only way I can explain it. The second I went to open the back door and go back in the house, the sun disappeared again, the clouds were back.
Later that day, I told Luke about what had happened. He mentioned something about cardinals having meaning when you see them after a pet or loved one has passed. I had never heard of this, so of course I took to researching it. Here’s a great description about cardinals meaning here. My jaw absolutely dropped. I felt so seen and loved in my excruciating grief. I’m still trying to process that moment.
In these months after her passing, I’ve had various encounters with cardinals, particularly during some really tough days where things have felt unbearable. They have shown up just for a moment, a check in if you will, when hope has felt lost. We see them as a quick check in from Chai. I believe this with my whole heart. I know what I’ve see and what I’ve experienced.
Most recently, my in laws lost their German Shepard, Zeke, of 11 years. The last few times since his passing that we’ve been over there in their back yard, we’ve instantly seen cardinals. Always within minutes of being there. I asked if they’ve always had them, and my mother in law said no, not usually. Most recently, on my father in law’s birthday ( May 3rd) we went over for a visit. While we were out the back yard we saw cardinals again, almost immediately. My MIL tells me they just made a nest in a bush very close to the house and she see them all the time now. Zeke, their dog that just passed…I believe this is him, his way of keeping tabs on things.
The cardinals take their time, they move slowly and intentionally. They stay for a while. They’re calm. They’re peaceful. They’re checking in to give us hope in our grief. They’re God sending messages from our lost pets to check in and say “we’re OK and we want you to be OK too. I’m watching over you.”
So what’s next for our family? Will there be another dog soon? Yes, someday. I’m not sure when. The pain of losing her is less sharp these days, but it’s still here. I do know that whatever the future has in store of our family, Chai is going to help guide us, in her own way, to make a decision about a new dog…and that the right dog is going to show up, in this season of life, and be exactly what our family needs — just as Chai was exactly what we needed for 16 wonderful years.
. . .
(If you made it this far and read our story, thank you so much! What a precious gem you are! I am publishing this post on the 3 month anniversary of her passing. Somehow we've made it this far. This was hard to write and I had to start and stop so many times during the last 3 months. There's been tears, anger, joy and a bunch of other feelings all coexisting together daily. But overall, this process has been incredibly helpful to document. It’s wonderful to have this account of her life and how our lives have evolved over the last 16 years. As I remember other stories about her, I’m sure I’ll pop back in and add them. I’m looking forward to revisiting these memories over and over again, and maybe some of you will too.)
