How Architecture School Prepared Me For Motherhood
I had no clue when I was in architecture school (decades ago) how much of my day to day would translate directly into my life as a mother. Did it prepare me for everything? Of course not. Nothing can prepare you for motherhood, and I mean this in the best possible way. I could never have fathomed the ride I was about to take and the joys I would experience having children. I hope you’ll join me (regardless of your seasons of life right now) and delight in this group of life lessons that originally surfaced in architecture school, and has since resurfaced in my first 8 years of my motherhood journey. And if you’re not in the throws of motherhood, not to worry. Many of these ideas will be fitting for your life as well, regardless of your current life season/focus, so stick with us!
Me in literal reflection at Frank Gehry’s Walt Disney Concert Hall in LA. Here I was at the end of my 1st trimester with my second child + it was the first time I had ever traveled alone away from my toddler.
Your sleep will be compromised (at least for a bit).
Architecture School Perspective: During architecture school, pulling all-nighters happened frequently towards the end of big studio projects/deadlines. The sleep was poor, you felt like a zombie, and somehow things were getting done, even though it was hard to remember a lot of it. Note: I’m not recommending that you do this, in fact I got much wiser in graduate school and barely had any all-nighters and the results were much better both in my health and in my project quality! Your design studio projects feel a lot like a growing baby that you’re nurturing and paying continuous, acute attention to. Ironically at the terminus of the project, while you feel like you’ve birthed something profound, you simultaneously then must send it (your design project) out into the world for judgment and scrutiny. This now hits home.
Motherhood Perspective: The needs are high. The feedings and care demands of a baby are HIGH, resulting is less and choppy sleep. Duty calls. You have to step up and get the job done, whether you have help around or not. The jacked up sleep demands while caring for babies and young children last far longer than any project deadline in school. And I got to stop caring for that “baby” AKA “studio project” after my design presentation. I got to walk away from it. Not so much in motherhood. Which leads my to our next topic of needing breaks…
You need to take breaks often.
Architecture School Perspective: If I could tell the former architecture student version of myself one thing, it would be to take more breaks. Your brain and your body need breaks to reset. Your creativity/cognitive function greatly improves after you step away from what you’re focusing on, look at new things/surroundings and then return back. You think you don’t have the time and that your project is going to suffer if you walk away for any amount of time. So many problems and design issues were often resolved after I’d step away, take a break and come back later when my brain had a break.
Motherhood Perspective: This is 100% true as well in motherhood, even though it feels hard to take breaks for so many reasons, unnecessary guilt being one of them. You feel guilty because you think you’re needed all the time (which is often true) but even in these extremely needy phases with children, you cannot ignore your need for taking a break from care-giving. Sometimes taking a break is not by formally leaving the house, but by stepping outside, doing something completely different than caring for others, like water coloring or making yourself a fancy coffee. These all count. Asking for help from others counts. Sitting in silence/quiet for 5 minutes counts. These all help you reset. They are needed. They are essential. You have to intentionally take them or your body will force a break on you by way of sickness or mental health struggles.
Delight in as many details as possible.
Architecture School Perspective: The details that create “good” environments in architecture, interiors and in all design are layered and vast. The details add up to make the entire design and ignoring some results in “holes” in the project. Glaring areas that were missed opportunities where it looked like you forgot it was even there. Every studio professor will find those “holes” by the way. And odds are you already knew they were there. The details of how a user interacts with a space are critical and define the quality of user experience on a small and large scale. The details are everything.
Motherhood Perspective: Your world shrinks down rapidly to LOTS of details as a mother. It becomes ever so apparent in moments when your baby picks up the one hair ball you missed sweeping and you have to finger swipe it out of their mouth so they don’t choke. It is clear just how much the details matter. One thing I learned when my kids were very young (and even now) is how little I noticed before they were around. Our adult brain likes to gloss over the details of the day. And all those details, if we choose to engage with them and delight in them make for a pretty great day and existence. Ignore the details and the day becomes quite dull, colorless and bland. But please note: you will NOT be able to delight in ALL the details. Some are not pleasant at all and still need your attention. They are not in fact enjoyable, at all, and that’s OK.
Connect before you critique.
Architecture School Perspective: I was always so grateful for the studio professors that took the time to understand where I was at with my project, to meet me right where I was in the design process and offer support. To learn the direction I was trying to go, where my hang ups were, what decisions I was trying to make, and how I was planning to “tell the story” of my design concept. If they ignored this step, it was difficult for them to offer genuine mentorship for my project goals. Ignore the design student’s design goals and you ignore their process and offer advice that makes it your own, not theirs.
Motherhood Perspective: Meeting my children exactly where they’re at on a daily basis has completely changed my perspective on parenting. Telling myself “their story” and “where are they right this moment” helps better direct me on how I can offer support or stay on the sidelines until I’m needed. If I assert myself too much, their story becomes mine. Their learning journey becomes skewed. Their developmental timeline becomes someone else’s, not their own. I’ve learned to give breathing room while remaining close, even though it’s not always easy to do so.
Always question: does it need to be here or not?
Architecture School Perspective: I had a professor in graduate school that requested that we ask this question, “does it need to be here or not” throughout every design project. It became one of the most impactful things anyone ever said to me in design school (and down the road as it relates to my entire life). He would asks us to look closely at all the elements of our project, whether it was a building, an interior, a product, then go through each part and cover one element up. Then ask yourself, is it better or worse? Is the design lacking if it isn’t there? Is it better if it’s not there? I have used this assessment tool in all my designs since then and still do in my business, in graphic design projects and in designing spaces in my own home. And guess what, IT WORKS!
Motherhood Perspective: In motherhood, many times, there’s too much and everything seems important. A lot of needs are happening at one time. The list of “must-dos” seems long and endless. I have found over the years that when I actually sit down to assess this list, many things are truly not needed. They can wait or can be removed completely. They don’t need to happen right now. I’ve also applied this idea to the spaces in my own home, particularly with my children. Rooms that have felt stressful and overwhelming had too much in them. They needed to be intentionally decluttered. Things had to assessed and some items slowly removed to make way more living. It’s been a reminder that the greatest gift I can give my kids is space to move, explore and create in. Not by adding in more things, just open space. In times of overwhelm, I ask myself “does it need to be here?” Or “is this essential for the livelihood of myself, my family or my children?” Many times the answer is “no.” Sometimes it is “yes.” But learning to not only edit our physical space and how we use our time is life giving and life saving.
You’ll learn more simply by doing.
Architecture School Perspective: One thing I learned early on was that ZERO of my projects got better or more evolved if I just stared at them. I had to get over the uncomfortable phase of not having any or all of the answers upfront and just start somewhere. I had to move past the fear of doing things wrong, otherwise I would simply stay stuck. As I dug into each project and spent more time with it, the more “answers” seemed to emerged out of thin air. Decisions became easier to navigate and the design vision began to take over, making decisions for me it often seemed. The design concept became so clear that it was easy to say no to lots of exciting ideas that looked sparkly and enticing. It became easy to say no to things that would not serve the design well and would take away from the end goals.
Motherhood Perspective: For many of us, you are sent home with your baby after mere days and the learning curve is a STEEP dive into the unknown. I remember realizing that I hadn’t changed a diaper until I had my own child, even though I had done lots of aunt duties in the years past. I watched my husband jump in and change what seemed like all of the diapers in the hospital while I was in a postpartum fog. He learned by doing. He had no prior experience. Over the next few days when I was home with a newborn, I had no choice but to learn by doing. The learning and the wisdom came from the doing. Not from being fearful of doing things wrong or imperfectly. What was most important at any given moment became clearer and clearer. Things that weren’t essential to this time did not make the cut or were revisited later. This idea is still true everyday with my family. I am learning everyday by doing life WITH them. I often tell my kids that I am learning how to do LOTS of things right along side them. We’ll figure it out together by “doing”.
Now’s your turn. Which one of these ideas resonates with you most in your current season of life? Please tell us below!
More resources for your life + home:
Free Declutter Guide, Donate Your Decluttered Items For Good Links, Learn the basics of Decluttering, Schedule Decluttering Support
Dynamic Women In Their Home - Bess
We’re in a year long series of interviews highlighting incredible women in our community. The focus of each interview is to have a candid conversation about their home, life, what they value, what feels challenging right now, and most importantly, what’s bringing them joy.
Our next interview is with Bess Swantner. Bess is an Architect turned water color artist based out of San Antonio, Texas. Bess and I met at Texas A&M in Architecture School (we were both studying Environmental Design during our undergrad years). Ironically we didn’t have many classes together, which seems hard to believe thinking back on it. We had many good mutual friends and she had a lot more classes with my now husband, Luke. Long story short, Bess and I have thankfully stayed in touch after going separate ways for graduate school, moving to different cities, both having architecture careers and then us both shifting out of those roles in different ways (her, now focusing her creative energy on watercolor painting and myself, as an interior designer here in this space with you).
Anytime I’ve been around Bess she’s warm, kind and welcoming. She is thoughtful and intentional with her words and her approach to design. Her water color work is detailed, humble, approachable and brilliant. I see her very clearly in her work. Her work gives you fresh eyes and perspective on things you thought you knew, things you’ve seen many times before. If you are lucky enough, you’ll get your hands on some of her beautiful work ASAP. You can find her watercolor work here.
Most days you can find us DMing about our kids getting too big too fast, all sorts of excitement with mom life, cool furniture pieces and all things design/home. She’s such a delight to have here in our community and I know you’re going to love getting to know her!
Scroll down to enjoy my interview with Bess about all things home and life.
Photo Credit: Lauren Nygard
Share a quick snapshot of your last 5 years:
The past five years have been full of changes for our family - I quit taking on architectural work, began painting more seriously, gave birth to our third child, moved to a new home and endured the challenges of school/childcare during the pandemic.
What's your day to day like right now?
Every day is a little bit different, but I am finally in a phase of life where I have some uninterrupted time throughout the week. My older children are in elementary school full-time and my youngest is in part-time preschool. On mornings when Clara is at school, I try to block time to paint, usually working on commissions or toward a collection of paintings. I spend the early afternoon with Clara, and usually sneak back into the studio for an hour or so before Elsa and Henry come home on the bus. From then on, I am running kids to sports, supervising homework and fixing dinner. 4-8 pm are busy hours in our home! I spend a lot of time volunteering at the Old School Makerspace, a community space for art and making that I helped to launch over the last few years.
Photo Credit: Bess Swantner
How long have you been in your current home?
Three years.
What do you love most about your current home?
Our house is a great party house. The open spaces and back yard are perfect for entertaining. The previous owners put a lot of work into the back yard, pool and covered patio, and we added a tree fort for our kids and an outdoor kitchen. Our favorite way to spend the weekend is with kids in the pool and my husband, Matt grilling something fun for a big group of friends.
Photo Credit: Bess Swantner
What's something you'd love to change/or feels challenging for you in your current home?
My biggest challenge is keeping it tidy with three kids! We also have a really awkward fireplace with deep glass shelves that is continually filled with clutter. I would love to rip out the entire fireplace surround and clean it up with something more modern. But that is a project for another year.
In the last year, have you spent any time decluttering/editing in your home (if so where/why)?
I am constantly decluttering kids’ closets as they outgrow clothes so quickly.
If you have spent time decluttering/editing, what was the result? Was it helpful?
A few years ago, I edited my closet down to a capsule wardrobe and learned a lot about what colors I gravitate towards and what fits my body best. I would like to do another capsule wardrobe this winter.
What part would you rather do - declutter OR organize (+ why)?
Declutter. The organization part overwhelms me a bit. Fortunately, my sister is a professional organizer and comes to my rescue.
Photo Credit: Bess Swantner
Where's your favorite spot in your home right now?
The pair of leather chairs outside of my studio. It is a great spot to read in the quiet morning hours or read aloud to my kids. My son, Henry, and I are currently reading through the Chronicles of Narnia together.
What object in your home means a lot to you?
That is hard - there are so many! I love my grandmother's milk glass collection and an oil painting created by my high school art teacher and mentor.
Tell me something fun or quirky about you I probably don't know...
I was the duchess of the Miss Comfort Court in Comfort, Texas, at age 14. We rode in small town parades all over Central Texas, white gloves and all.
OK, NOW A FEW RAPID-FIRE HOME QUESTIONS!
Light/bright OR dark/moody:
Light
Open concept or separated rooms/nooks:
Open concept (although I did enclose my studio after a little too much open concept during the pandemic).
Color or neutrals:
Neutrals with blue. Always blue.
Real plants or faux:
Real but I also have a black thumb.
Listen to music or read:
Listen to music, podcasts, and audiobooks
Favorite morning or daily ritual:
Morning pages with my first cup of coffee.
Morning person or night person:
Night
Favorite piece of furniture in your home:
My Danish modern credenza I bought from Period Modern, an amazing local store specializing in mid century modern furniture.
Do you dress like the interiors of your home?
I think I do! Most of my closet is black, white, denim and other shades of blue or green.
THANK YOU BESS for sharing more about your home and life with us! I love following along with your watercolor adventures and am exciting to see the pieces you’re working on next! Thank you for giving us a snapshot into this current season of life for you!
Photo Credit: Lauren Nygard (studio portrait) | Bess Swantner (interior home photos)
Find Bess on IG: @bessstudio
Find Bess’ Water Color Work: www.bessswantner.com
More Support for Your Home + Life:
✔ Ready to take action in your home? START HERE with with FREE Decluttering Quick Guide I know you’re going to love!
✔ Lots more decluttering + organizing support here to lighten the load in your home!
✔ Not sure where to being + need help getting started? Check out the tools I’ve created for you HERE.
See you in the next interview!
Dynamic Women In Their Home - Lauren
We’re in a year long series of interviews highlighting incredible women in our community. The focus of each interview is to have a candid conversation about their home, life, what they value, what feels challenging right now, and most importantly, what is bringing them joy.
Our next interview is with Lauren Nygard. Another one of my favorite humans I’m so thrilled to introduce you to in our incredible community here.
We’re in a year long series of interviews highlighting incredible women in our community. The focus of each interview is to have a candid conversation about their home, life, what they value, what feels challenging right now, and most importantly, what is bringing them joy.
Our next interview is with Lauren Nygard. Another one of my favorite humans I’m so thrilled to introduce you to in our incredible community here. Lauren and I met at Texas A&M in Architecture School (we were both studying Environmental Design during our undergrad years). I’m trying to pinpoint exactly when we met, but I am guessing it was at least by sophomore year. We were in the same student group that studied abroad in Barcelona, Spain and we’ve stayed connected ever since. After we both went in different directions for graduate school, we stayed connected by sending each other mix CDs…Lauren, should we start this up again? I loved this! Lauren is a former military spouse and mom of 2 young boys who wears many business hats that I’ll let her tell you more about. She’s an incredible photographer (you can find her work here) and is a major learn through reading advocate. Yes, she’s my go-to book lady! Most days you can find us DMing about misc home biz, iced coffee hacks + kiddo randomness. She has the most lovely, infectious laugh and is passionate about creating and sharing good out in the world. I’m so thrilled to share more with you about her here!
Scroll down to enjoy my interview with Lauren about all things home and life.
Photo credit: Lauren Nygard
Share a quick snapshot of your last 5 years:
In the past 5 years, we've added two boys to our family, my husband got out of the military, we moved from NC to TX, and I've been working from home during a pandemic. :)
What's your day to day like right now?
We spend a lot of time in our backyard or reading on the couch. I squeeze in work when I can during the day, and usually work for an hour or two after the boys go to bed.
Photo credit: Lauren Nygard
How long have you been in your current home?
Since September 2019, though it seems like just a few months!
What do you love most about your current home?
It's cozy and the perfect size for our family.
What's something you'd love to change/or feels challenging for you in your current home?
This is a huge can of worms! We had to have our foundation repaired last summer and are still waiting for our flooring material to arrive so that we can replace the flooring (it was damaged due to foundation issues). We then will need to repair cracks in our drywall (walls and ceilings) and repaint practically every surface.
Beyond that mess, our boys' bathroom doesn't function well as is (I've messaged you about our towel storage in there!) and I'm considering replacing the vanity while we're redoing the floor. The vanity that was installed before we moved in is above average height, which I actually love but it doesn't work well for our 18-month-old. The bathroom is so small that we can't put a step stool tall enough in front of the vanity without blocking the entrance to the bathroom (the door opens up to the sink). Now that he's interested in potty learning, it's been even more frustrating than it had been.
Photo credit: Lauren Nygard
In the last year, have you spent any time decluttering/editing in your home (if so where/why)?
Yes! Lots of editing of my closet and dresser drawers, as well as my "work" and "craft" stashes. When our second son arrived, my office became his room, and my work desk moved out into our living room. When he's a little older, he'll move into the same room as our older son (and we'll get an office again--hurray!) but I cleaned out a lot to make the shift happen--and it's still a work in progress!
If you have spent time decluttering/editing, what was the result? Was it helpful?
It has been super helpful to be able to find more of what we need and get rid of things we no longer need or use. There are still some areas that need more decluttering (our laundry room cabinets have become a stash for random stuff) but we've been working on it little by little.
What part would you rather do - declutter OR organize (+ why)?
Right now, definitely declutter... because organizing doesn't matter if you still have too much stuff.
Photo credit: Lauren Nygard
Where's your favorite spot in your home right now?
Inside.... Our bedroom! We spend most of our time in our living room but the 4 of us end up hanging out, lounging and reading on our bed sometimes. The living room tends to get out of control with toys so our bedroom is a nice place for us to relax since it's usually cleaner. (Except when I don't put my laundry away--shhhhhh!)
Outside... We have a really deep front porch that was a total sanity saver when we were homebound in 2020. Colt and I spent lots of time out on the porch, even through the heat of summer (pregnant!)--we were gifted an old art table from a neighbor, and he'd scribble for hours out there. We added a big deck in our backyard about a year ago, which has been amazing as well.
Photo credit: Lauren Nygard
What object in your home means a lot to you?
I can't think of anything right now!
Tell me something fun or quirky about you I probably don't know...
Do I have any secrets? I can't think of one.
OK, NOW A FEW RAPID-FIRE HOME QUESTIONS!
Light/bright OR dark/moody:
Light/bright
Open concept or separated rooms/nooks:
Open concept
Color or neutrals:
Neutrals
Real plants or faux:
Real!
Listen to music or read:
Read
Favorite morning or daily ritual:
My new morning ritual is to drink 16oz of water before I have any coffee. I feel like it sets me up to drink more water throughout the day. But my favorite daily ritual is my early afternoon iced coffee a la Kristin (shaken, not stirred)!
Morning person or night person:
Morning
Favorite piece of furniture in your home:
Our mid-century dining table
Do you dress like the interiors of your home?
Color-wise? Yes. Style? I'm not sure.
THANK YOU LAUREN for sharing more about your home and life with us! I love following along with your entrepreneurial spirit and seeing what awesomeness you’re cooking up next. Thank you for giving us a snapshot into this current season of life for you!
Photo Credit: Lauren Nygard | https://laurennygard.com/
Find Lauren on IG: @laurennygard
More Support for Your Home + Life:
✔ Lots more decluttering + organizing support here to lighten the load in your home!
✔ Ready to take action in your home? START HERE with with FREE Home Simplifying Quick Guide!
✔ Not sure where to being + need help getting started? Check out the tools I’ve created for you HERE.
See you in the next interview!
Dynamic Women + Their Home - Kirsten
We’re in a year long series of interviews highlighting incredible women in our community. The focus of each interview is to have a candid conversation about their home, life, what they value, what feels challenging right now, and most importantly, what is bringing them joy.
We’re in a year long series of interviews highlighting incredible women in our community. The focus of each interview is to have a candid conversation about their home, life, what they value, what feels challenging right now, and most importantly, what is bringing them joy.
Our next interview is with Kirsten Griffin. She’s currently a Job Captain at HKS, Inc. and the Vice-Chair for AIA Dallas Latinos in Architecture (LiA). Kirsten and I got connected through Instagram by a mutual friend/colleague a few years ago AND of course our names are quite close so we’re automatically bonded for life. Quite quickly we had several incredible, genuine, interesting conversations about simplifying life through editing in her home and planning for her future. I’ve always been impressed with her insightful, wise beyond her years questions and ideas about home. I’ve loved getting to know her through our chats about our spaces, the misc. house projects we’re working on/dreaming up, and all things design. I deeply admire her passion for architecture, and her intentional action to make an impact and serve her local architecture community. I love all the commitments she shares with us on Instagram from caring for herself through fitness goals (PS. this girl is strong, don’t mess with her!) and her intentional focus going after her architecture license. And all of which she does while having fun along the way! Recently she’s woven more into her day to day stories about her deaf/hard of hearing and bilateral cochlear implant journey. I value her perspective on this topic that I’m continuing to learn more about. Follow along with her vivaciousness over at @kirsten_ttu on Instagram.
Scroll down to enjoy my interview with Kirsten about all things home and life.
Share a quick snapshot of your last 5 years:
Been a busy 5 years! I Graduated college with my Master degree, got married and started working full time in an architecture firm. We adopted two dogs while living in an apartment, then we bought a house to have backyard space for the pups. Now working on my Architectural Exams and highly involved in the architecture community.
What's your day to day like right now?
Work out in the morning, go work at the office at home or the company office and then spend my evening attending an event or at home studying for my Architectural Exams.
How long have you been in your current home?
2 years! Got it July 2020.
What do you love most about your current home?
The space! Get to have my own office and my own home gym.
What's something you'd love to change/or feels challenging for you in your current home?
The challenge would be the bathrooms, its a late 70's home. So the bathrooms are not a big as the newer homes.
The outdoor patio is the space where I enjoy drinking coffee in the morning or relaxing in the evening when weather is nice.
In the last year, have you spent any time decluttering/editing in your home (if so where/why)?
Yes, the closets. There were a lot of clothes and memorial items that haven't been used in years.
If you have spent time decluttering/editing, what was the result? Was it helpful?
Relief, we have plenty of space. More than we think. Spend less time stressing about the overload of items or looking for something.
What part would you rather do - declutter OR organize (+ why)?
Organize but we have to declutter before organizing. Organizing because you know exactly where everything is rather then looking for awhile to find it.
Where's your favorite spot in your home right now?
The smallest office the house with the little couch in the corner. A small cozy room.
What object in your home means a lot to you?
My small round breakfast table, I sit here almost everyday drinking my coffee. Came from my uncle who passed away recently.
The breakfast nook is my favorite spot I spend a lot of my time.
Tell me something fun or quirky about you I probably don't know...
I’m left handed but I only eat and write with my left hand. And I do everything else with my right side. Can write/draw also with my right hand (not as good as left).
OK, NOW A FEW RAPID-FIRE HOME QUESTIONS!
Light/bright OR dark/moody:
Light/Bright
Open concept OR separated rooms/nooks:
Both! Open concept for social events and then separation for more comfort/cozy.
Color OR neutrals:
Neutrals
Real plants OR faux:
Faux
Listen to music OR read:
Listen to music
Favorite morning or daily ritual:
Getting my day started early and drinking coffee
Morning person OR night person:
Morning, but I still have my days where I don't want to get up.
Favorite piece of furniture in your home:
Breakfast table
Do you dress like the interiors of your home?
Yes, Simple
THANK YOU KIRSTEN for sharing more about your home and life with us! I can’t wait to see what you’re involved with and creating next!
Follow along with Kirsten’s architecture, mentoring and home adventures over on Instagram @kirsten_ttu HERE. Photo Credit: Kirsten Griffin
Ready to take action in your home? START HERE.
Note sure where to being + need help getting started? Check out the tools I’ve created for you HERE.
See you in the next interview!
